I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
birth control should be required to get into college
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
