hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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