Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
