just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
