Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
