I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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