when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
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