I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
