My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
