I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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