Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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