Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
