Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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