check it out our google latitudes are spooning
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Randomize
