4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
