just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Randomize
