Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Bring me that man meat
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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