the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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