MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
