I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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