I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
