that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
