i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
She just used a chaser for red wine.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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