You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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