Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Randomize
