i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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