why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
