Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
