sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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