I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
