There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
