like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
