Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
