im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
My ass is underappreciated
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
