fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i was born a porn star she said
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
