I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
did you just send me my own nude
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
