I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
