I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
