I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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