Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
