i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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