Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
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