Whatcha textin bout Willis?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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