Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
