What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
