Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
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