I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
