I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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