Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
