I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
