I must be too annoying 4 u.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
