the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
