He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Are these your boobs on my camera?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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