You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
