I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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