You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
